"There is a sense of something trying to invade my space..."
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A reader writes: "There is a particular felt sense that I get which is a sense of invasion. There is a sense of something trying to invade my space or doing so. I really think that this particular felt sense (the one which invades) is not a disassociated part as I have tried focusing with it as that. I think it's a hangover from a quite traumatic experience where I felt bullied by someone else and that person was generally in my personal space. If I try to focus and pay attention to 'the part that wants to get into my space', I can't make a connection and I feel that it is my sense of a previous experience so isn't actually me. I have tried a lot and it doesn't seem to work with all the ways of paying compassionate attention - it just increases the sense of invasion, and it's very uncomfortable for the part of me that feels invaded."
Dear Reader,
I think you're right on track in that last sentence: there's a part of you that feels invaded. That's what needs your compassionate company.
As for the feeling of something invading... well, that brings me to an aspect of Self-in-Presence that I rarely get to talk about.
You as Self-in-Presence are not only compassionate toward parts of yourself. You are also the guardian of the safety of the inner space. Focusing requires safety, inside and out.
For example, if two parts start to fight with each other, you (Self-in-Presence) get to step in between, and say firmly "Speak to me. I'm here to listen, speak to me."
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In the case of something invading, you get to say firmly and calmly, "NO, this space is mine. Time to go." and mean it.
Like if a strange dog walked into your house, you wouldn't just focus on how bad it felt that it came in without asking. You would say, "Out, right now, I mean it!"
Then once your personal space is guarded and there are no intruders inside, you can do Focusing again, and maybe some of that Focusing will connect back to the previous traumatic experience you mentioned. Your body may be needing to show you how bad that felt, and needing YOU (as Self-in-Presence) to hold a calm space of really hearing/seeing that.
Self-in-Presence guards safety. It's very hard to get a felt sense and do Focusing if you don't feel safe.
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A reader writes: "There is a particular felt sense that I get which is a sense of invasion. There is a sense of something trying to invade my space or doing so. I really think that this particular felt sense (the one which invades) is not a disassociated part as I have tried focusing with it as that. I think it's a hangover from a quite traumatic experience where I felt bullied by someone else and that person was generally in my personal space. If I try to focus and pay attention to 'the part that wants to get into my space', I can't make a connection and I feel that it is my sense of a previous experience so isn't actually me. I have tried a lot and it doesn't seem to work with all the ways of paying compassionate attention - it just increases the sense of invasion, and it's very uncomfortable for the part of me that feels invaded."
Dear Reader,
I think you're right on track in that last sentence: there's a part of you that feels invaded. That's what needs your compassionate company.
As for the feeling of something invading... well, that brings me to an aspect of Self-in-Presence that I rarely get to talk about.
You as Self-in-Presence are not only compassionate toward parts of yourself. You are also the guardian of the safety of the inner space. Focusing requires safety, inside and out.
For example, if two parts start to fight with each other, you (Self-in-Presence) get to step in between, and say firmly "Speak to me. I'm here to listen, speak to me."
This firm, strong side of Self-in-Presence still carries qualities of calm and non-reactivity. There is no anger or harshness here. You are firmly and calmly guarding and holding safe boundaries.
"This space is mine. Time to go."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the case of something invading, you get to say firmly and calmly, "NO, this space is mine. Time to go." and mean it.
Like if a strange dog walked into your house, you wouldn't just focus on how bad it felt that it came in without asking. You would say, "Out, right now, I mean it!"
Then once your personal space is guarded and there are no intruders inside, you can do Focusing again, and maybe some of that Focusing will connect back to the previous traumatic experience you mentioned. Your body may be needing to show you how bad that felt, and needing YOU (as Self-in-Presence) to hold a calm space of really hearing/seeing that.
Self-in-Presence guards safety. It's very hard to get a felt sense and do Focusing if you don't feel safe.
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