What if you don't want to do Focusing because the problems are so tough that they can't change anyway? Read on...
"How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"
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Ian writes: "How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"
He adds: "I'm sure, in decades of Focusing's existence, someone must've asked this before!"
Dear Ian,
Yes, absolutely, that question is not a rare or a strange one!
And we don't ever want to force or trick ourselves (or parts of us) into Focusing when they don't want to. That wouldn't work, anyway, besides creating a low-trust inner relationship.
But what you can do is say to it something like, "Sure, we don't have to do Focusing today if you don't want to... and I'm sure you have a good reason not to..."
Right there, where you didn't exactly ask a question but you did indicate your warm interest in knowing more, you're likely to start sensing the "why not."
It could be anything. It could be something in you scared of what you'll find, today. It could be something in you knowing that today it would take time, and not wanting to take the time. It could be something in you feeling tired of being nice. All kinds of possibilities.
I have a feeling I know what Ian's reason for not wanting to do Focusing is. Because he goes on to ask the following, which he says is a related question:
"When stuck between a rock and a hard place, can Focusing still be useful? I'm referring to intractable situations imposed by circumstances and/or by more powerful people, where choices are either limited or non-existent - in other words 'lose-lose' situations."
First, let's say that no wonder something in you doesn't want to do Focusing if it believes that it won't do any good! "That stuff out there--those people and those circumstances--that won't change. So what good will Focusing be?" Right?
OK, now I'm going to say something kind of amazing, so listen carefully. (It's something I've just been learning from Gene Gendlin, so I hope I get it right...)
When we put the problem out there, and say that THAT can't change, that is a viewpoint. By doing that, we have already sliced up the world in a certain way. We have separated ourselves from the problem... and that is as much of a problem, and as wrong, as separating mind from body.
I know that's quite a philosophical mouthful... but the good news is, you don't have to understand all that for Focusing to work.
The simple answer is Yes, emphatically yes, the Focusing process works to bring change even when a part of us doesn't believe that change is possible, and even when it looks like the problems are all out there, over there, totally separate from powerless little me. You just need to be especially careful to identify as Self-in-Presence, and make an inner welcome for a fresh felt sense to form... the way it feels right now, beyond previous words and concepts. You'll amaze yourself.
"How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ian writes: "How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"
He adds: "I'm sure, in decades of Focusing's existence, someone must've asked this before!"
Dear Ian,
Yes, absolutely, that question is not a rare or a strange one!
And we don't ever want to force or trick ourselves (or parts of us) into Focusing when they don't want to. That wouldn't work, anyway, besides creating a low-trust inner relationship.
But what you can do is say to it something like, "Sure, we don't have to do Focusing today if you don't want to... and I'm sure you have a good reason not to..."
Right there, where you didn't exactly ask a question but you did indicate your warm interest in knowing more, you're likely to start sensing the "why not."
It could be anything. It could be something in you scared of what you'll find, today. It could be something in you knowing that today it would take time, and not wanting to take the time. It could be something in you feeling tired of being nice. All kinds of possibilities.
Even though you're not really Focusing (you wouldn't do that when it didn't want to!), you can certainly acknowledge the not-wanting-to, and let it know you hear it.
When stuck between a rock and a hard place
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I have a feeling I know what Ian's reason for not wanting to do Focusing is. Because he goes on to ask the following, which he says is a related question:
"When stuck between a rock and a hard place, can Focusing still be useful? I'm referring to intractable situations imposed by circumstances and/or by more powerful people, where choices are either limited or non-existent - in other words 'lose-lose' situations."
First, let's say that no wonder something in you doesn't want to do Focusing if it believes that it won't do any good! "That stuff out there--those people and those circumstances--that won't change. So what good will Focusing be?" Right?
OK, now I'm going to say something kind of amazing, so listen carefully. (It's something I've just been learning from Gene Gendlin, so I hope I get it right...)
When we put the problem out there, and say that THAT can't change, that is a viewpoint. By doing that, we have already sliced up the world in a certain way. We have separated ourselves from the problem... and that is as much of a problem, and as wrong, as separating mind from body.
I know that's quite a philosophical mouthful... but the good news is, you don't have to understand all that for Focusing to work.
The simple answer is Yes, emphatically yes, the Focusing process works to bring change even when a part of us doesn't believe that change is possible, and even when it looks like the problems are all out there, over there, totally separate from powerless little me. You just need to be especially careful to identify as Self-in-Presence, and make an inner welcome for a fresh felt sense to form... the way it feels right now, beyond previous words and concepts. You'll amaze yourself.
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